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[oratorical]

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[oratorical]

[Leia would be lying if she said she believed this whole crystal cure nonsense. Largely because, well, she's still convinced nothing is wrong, and that perhaps everyone here is just from different universes that seem similar on the surface. That's what the case was with Ben, according to him, so it stood to reason that perhaps Han is from another one of those, where she's from Alderaan instead of Luke.

But after having that crystal around--albeit reluctantly--everything becomes a jumble of memories, real and false, all eventually settling into place. Han was, of course, correct, and correctly concerned about her and this dream dust allergy. The mechanics of however that must have happened are something she doesn't get, but that doesn't matter as much, if this cure works now. Instead, it's what she was utterly convinced was true that weighs on her mind more than how it must have happened.

She knows he's watching her, even as she pretends to be asleep, and when she feels the mattress shift as he inches closer, Leia opens an eye and reaches out, grabbing hold of his hand.]

I'm sorry, Han. I can't make any excuses for how I behaved this past week, but I'm sorry.

[captainscruffy]

[his heart leaps in his chest at her declaration, and he tries to keep the hope he's feeling out of his voice. sure, they said the crystals would work, but this seems pretty abrupt and if nothing else he's learned to be cautious with her. still, he curls his fingers around hers without hesitation, even if he doesn't move any closer.]

You--feel better now?

[of all the things he could ask, that's what he settles on. he's going to tear his own hair out this time if she says something like "i should've been easier on you with your memories messed up". absolutely, literally will pull his hair out. he's at that point.]

[oratorical]

I think so. Mostly, anyway.

[There are probably things she's still missing this early on, but she's sorted out enough to recognize what's true and false and how much Han had to put up with from all of this memory nonsense.

He might not move any closer, but Leia takes the initiative to slide a bit closer to him. After everything she's put him through lately, she's sure he needs that closeness just as much as she needs it from him.]

[captainscruffy]

[he seems to be watching her very closely as she scoots closer. it's not that they haven't touched at all since the whole thing started, or even that they haven't been intimate a time or two, but han has found that leia as she was this week did not appreciate him being super lovey-dovey. not that he would ever be caught dead putting it that way, but suffice it to say he's learned the hard way to wait and let her make a move.]

So...you remember Alderaan?

[this is a risk in itself, as if she's still in her wacked out memories she'll no doubt be annoyed with him all over again. but he needs to check before his hopes get up to high and he really jumps the gun.]

[oratorical]

[a rush of guilt and sadness make their way onto Leia's expression at Han's question, and along with that comes a noticeable drop in the temperature around them. She remembers Alderaan now. In as much detail as she can remember it, at least.

But out of everything that's bothering her about the false memories, forgetting Alderaan and everything and everyone related to it is the biggest one, because she knows at some point she eventually will forget the little details about her home.]

Han, I... I forgot everything about Alderaan. It was like it meant almost nothing to me.

[her voice is quieter than before, sounding horrified at her own behavior. It's not that Alderaan meant nothing to her exactly, but there's a severe difference between one's homeplanet and that same planet being known as the one the Empire destroyed and nothing more.]

[captainscruffy]

[he hesitates--just for a couple of seconds, but it's there--before shuffling to close the remaining gap between them and wrapping one arm around her. if she's sad about alderaan it's safe to do that much, right?]

That ain't your fault. And you remembered after all, yeah?

[oratorical]

One day I won't.

[Which is the heart of what bothers her the most. But him wrapping his arm around her helps. She presses closer, burying her face against his neck. It would probably be better to look at Han while worrying about this, but it feels safer and more comfortable to be wrapped up in him instead. For now, at least.

When she speaks again, her voice is muffled slightly thanks to her not bothering to lift her head from the crook of his neck.]

I forgot about us, too.

[captainscruffy]

[nestling into him may have been the best thing to do after all, as evidenced by the way he relaxes when she does. still, despite his relief that she's back to normal, he still can't help but concede her point.]

Yeah. Had me worried for a little while there.

[and if he sounds just a touch choked up over it, well, be a pal and don't point it out, you know?]

[oratorical]

[Leia is too bothered by it all herself to point out how choked up Han sounds, especially since she feels guilty for having caused that worry in the first place. Instead, she gently strokes her hand along his side as yet another apology for how badly her behavior, unintentional though it might have been, affected him.]

I don't know how I could have.

[and she wants to say she won't let it happen again, even though she knows she has no real control over that. She can stay stubbornly determined about it anyway.]

...Nothing strange happened to you at all, though?

[because with everything that happened, all the people she met that were behaving differently, she's unsure why Han didn't have any odd problems. Aside from dealing with everyone else's problems, that is.]

[captainscruffy]

Everyone we know lost their damn minds, isn't that strange enough?

[he sounds gruff, but the sustained physical contact is keeping him relatively relaxed despite it all. mutually assured cuddles, how he's missed you.]

I almost wish I hadn't been the exception. Least then I wouldn't have been so confused.

[oratorical]

I think it's for the best you weren't. I do remember it helping with us, seeing you come back every day.

[as bad as she feels about how much Han worried, that much is true. The more Han returned, rather than storming off and leaving her, the more at-ease she felt around him. Had he not been around assuring her of that with just his presence, there's no telling what sort of ridiculous nonsense she might have tried to get up to.]

It's not exactly fun dealing with this now.

[This, being reconciling the different memories with what she knows to be true.]

[captainscruffy]

Yeah, you're stuck with me, whether you remember it or not.

[of course, it helped that he knew it must be some kind of shenanigans at play and not just leia losing her mind. he always figured it was temporary. still, he takes on a gentler tone for his next bit.]

Hey, you know I'd never let you forget the important stuff. I mean, as much of it as I know.

[no doubt she remembers being stubbornly regaled with stories that leia had told han of her life on alderaan, and stories about their future together after the war, some that he might not have even told her before.]

[oratorical]

[Leia lifts her head just enough to look up at Han, a grateful, tender sort of smile on her face. While there's still a chill around them--even with Han's reassurance and comforting presence, she's still unsettled by how completely she forgot everything--there's also a soft, gentle glow settling around them. He may be loud and ridiculous sometimes, but other times, he knows just what she needs to hear. (She loves him just as much in both cases)]

Sometimes I don't think I deserve you.

[but she's glad she has him, since she's sure not planning on letting go.]

I should give you more stories to use. Just in case.

[and also because they're important to her and she wants him to know. Which, really, is the more important reason here]

[captainscruffy]

[he flushes all the way up to his ears, half at the comment itself and half at her expression. it's harder to complain about the past week when she's acting like this.]

Ah, c'mon...you can tell me as many as you like.

[she ought to be proud of herself, it's rare for him to get this flustered without being annoyed first. seems like her sudden switch back to normal has him a little off-balance, emotionally.]

[oratorical]

[she might feel proud of herself later on, but for now, she's just grateful Han's around and she's back to normal and that everything is fine. She's too busy feeling sappy to feel smug or tease him.]

How much have I told you about our home on Alderaan?

[captainscruffy]

You told me about a country home, once. I think.

[something something bigger than any building han has ever dreamed of owning, whatever. he doesn't recall her talking much about where she actually lived on alderaan other than skipping class and bugging her haughty extended family.]

[oratorical]

[that much she remembers sharing, and it brings a small, wistful sort of smile to her face as she thinks back on it. And while she's glad Han knows that much, she's in the mood where she wants to share more. Not just so Han has more stories to yell at her if she ever has weird memories again, but because she wants him to know.]

Most of the time when we were planetside, we lived in the palace outside of Aldera. It had been there for centuries, old enough that it had doors of the sort here, and actual fireplaces. I think I knew more of the unused passages there than anyone, even some of the droids.

[all of that was a rarity anywhere else, she knew, and while she's the furthest thing from any spoiled winces, she misses them.]

From my room, I had a perfect view of Appenza Peak in the distance.

[captainscruffy]

Doors like the ones here? Must've been more like a millennia.

[right, all kinds of flustered but he can still tease her.]

I can see you sneakin' around, easy. I bet you gave whoever was supposed to be watching you fits.

[oratorical]

[she may be in a cuddly sort of mood, but even that won't stop her from shoving her foot at Han's leg in response to his teasing.]

My father did always joke that there were dungeons underneath the palace.

[whether that was true or not, well, who really knows.]

The palace lent itself to sneaking. There were even passages you could use to discreetly listen in on other people from behind what looked like only decorative stone.

[which she totally did not do nope. Not at all.]

Usually it was my parents who looked after me, when they could.

[captainscruffy]

Even with, y'know, runnin' a planet and all that?

[not that han really understands what goes into looking after a kid, as he hasn't really gotten that far on the parenthood train yet, but it seems like the organas would have been pretty busy on a daily basis, right?]

I figured you'd have nanny droids or something.

[oratorical]

I did. And I had human tutors that looked after me, too. But my parents both liked to be there to raise me as often as they could.

[which was sometimes less often than Leia wanted or was used to, even though she understood they were busy.]

They weren't able to have children, you know.

[which, she's sure, is why they were so hands on when they adopted her.]

[captainscruffy]

Lucky they got you, then.

[he says it like it's obvious, you know, if you were going to adopt you'd want the kid to be like leia. not that he's a little besotted or anything.]

We have a nanny droid, too, y'know. Very fancy.

[just in case she forgot about all the times he's talked about it. not that he's proud that he got them one or anything.]

[oratorical]

[oh no, he's totally not biased in any way at all.]

I think you've mentioned it before. What's that droid like?

[captainscruffy]

Mm...a little overbearing, I guess...but he does whatever I say.

[much to leia's mild annoyance, honestly, but han feels better if there's a droid at home to hover over her when he's not there. especially when she was still pregnant.]

[oratorical]

[it's the "does whatever I say" that gets Leia to roll her eyes. She can already feel how annoying this droid must be. Not that it's the droid's fault. It can't help its programming.]

I'm starting to believe I've been cursed to live with overbearing droids.

[this droid, the droids at the palace, 3PO. They're all pretty overbearing.]

But at least he listens to someone. The droid I grew up with, she wouldn't allow me to sit near the window during thunderstorms because she thought it violated her safety programming. She never listened when I told her there was no real danger involved.