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[oratorical]

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[lothrat]

[Ezra makes a noise that's not entirely agreement, but not exactly an argument either. It's a dissatisfied sound born from his own confused bias of having both loving birth parents and an adopted "family" of sorts that he wouldn't want to give up either.]

Even your birth mom?

[He gets why she wants to disclaim Anakin, but he doesn't really know anything about her birth mother.]

[oratorical]

I already have a mother. It feels disrespectful to consider another person such.

[Even if it's her birth mother, even if she has slight memories of her which she can only assume is the Force's doing, it doesn't matter. Her parents are the Organas; they're all she could have wanted and more.]

It's not as if I don't know who she is now, but she's not my mother any more than Anakin is my father.

[Well, literally they are, yes, but they aren't who Leia considers her mother and father, and that's what matters more if you ask her.]

[lothrat]

I guess I don't understand why you can't have both. I love my parents, but I also... Kanan and Hera... [There's audible awkwardness in his voice when it comes to defining his relationship to the two Rebels who've taken something like a parental role in his life. Doesn't help that he's never exactly addressed it with them either.

He finally gives up and just plows on.]

They can't replace my parents, but they're still important to me. I don't think my parents would feel betrayed by that.

[oratorical]

I don't want both.

[is essentially what it boils down to, for Leia. Does she want to know more about Padme? Yes. But does she consider her her mother? Not at all. Mother is and always will be a name reserved for Breha Organa alone.]

What you have with Kanan and Hera isn't entirely the same. You have parents that you knew before them, whereas mine either were or may as well have been dead. I was never concerned with knowing of people I wouldn't have a chance to meet when I already had parents.

[which sounds cold, perhaps, but it's how she genuinely feels about her adoption situation. The only thing she would have wanted to change is knowing about Luke earlier.]

I was adopted because my parents were unable to have children, you know.

[lothrat]

Would it be different if you did have a chance to meet them? Er... I mean your birth mom?

[Awkward slip caused by talking about his parents, plural, then switching focus from him to her.]

Would you give her a chance?

[He doesn't know that she's already met Padme.]

[oratorical]

We did meet. She was here a year or so ago.

[and that's part of why her feelings on Padme are also complicated. She's not Anakin, but she's not someone Leia actually knows how to get along with. Because Padme wanted the four of them to be a happy family, and Leia couldn't give her that, which Padme took offense to.]

[lothrat]

[Ezra blinks, some of his surprise filtering through the connection.]

And you still feel the same way? You don't want any relationship with her at all?

[...which implies there's a reason.]

...what did she do?

[oratorical]

It's not that I don't want to know her. It's that I can't give her the relationship she wants from me.

[Because she has a mother, and she can't bring herself to consider or call another woman that. Not after having everything she could have wanted and more from Breha Organa.]

[lothrat]

[Ezra chews on that for a moment. He's trying to see her point of view, really, but it still just doesn't feel right.]

What if your kid didn't want a relationship with you?

[oratorical]

That situation isn't comparable.

[Because she obviously thinks highly of adoption, but she can't imagine herself giving her child up for adoption, because well. There's no need for it. She's the only person who can claim to be Ben's mother, and it's nothing like Leia's situation with Padme.]

[lothrat]

So you do have a kid here?

[He hadn't quite been sure if he believed the guy who claimed to be Leia's son.]</small.

[oratorical]

I do, yes.

[She admits it readily, but her tone is a bit suspicious anyway.]

Who told you?

[lothrat]

He did.

[No reason not to tell.

He pauses then, hesitating for a moment.]

He... made it sound like things are...

[He trails off awkwardly. "That's bound to be a pleasant conversation. 'Oh yes, our son who hates us. Thank you for the reminder.'" How do you ask about that?]

[oratorical]

[there’s a fleeting feeling of almost happiness when Ezra says it was Ben that fold him. He might not know who Ben is beyond her son, he might not have actually identified himself, but that’s a secondary thought. Normally Ben seems to keep their relation as quiet as she and Han do out of respect for him, so at least anonymously identifying himself as her son is a big step Leia can only see as a positive.]

He hasn’t been born yet, where I’m from. I don’t know much of what happened to him.

[because that canon info doesn’t exist yet because ben is rude and won’t share it.]

[lothrat]

Oh.

[Well, so much for a potential explanation. Canon needs to cough up the deets so we can stop skirting around it.]

What's his name? He didn't tell me.

[Because Kylo Ren's still rude that way.]

[oratorical]

His name is Ben.

[Because she can't and won't call him Kylo Ren. At least in this case, it helps keep his identity secret here if he doesn't want it entirely known.]

[lothrat]

Ben...

[Ben... Ben... Ezra can't recall anyone he's met named Ben. He'll have to keep an ear out for that name.]

Well, you still want to be part of Ben's life even though he's not happy about it, right? That's a little bit the same.

[oratorical]

It's not the same.

[For a number of reasons, if you ask Leia, depending on which birth parent you're comparing here.]

Ben wasn't adopted by anyone else. The only people he has that he can call parents are me and Han.

[lothrat]

Maybe not the circumstances, but the emotions are. Right?

[A hint of uncertainty, because after all, he's never heard Padme's thoughts on this.

This isn't going to go much of anywhere, though, so he finally just sighs, backing off.]

If your birth mom ever comes back here, would you be willing to introduce me to her?

[oratorical]

I can't say I knew what she felt. She was hardly very impressed with me when she was here.

[Because Padme wanted them to be a happy family, and Leia couldn't give her that. She couldn't accept or forgive Anakin, and couldn't get past her own issues about considering Padme like a mother.]

Her name was Padme. If she comes back, I'll introduce you, but it's unlikely she'd even recognize me.

[well it was possible, but Anakin left and came back with no memories, after all.]

[lothrat]

What? Why not? What's not to be impressed with you about?

[Ezra takes immediate offense with the idea that Leia's not impressive. She's been impressive since they day he met her!]

[oratorical]

[Ezra is such a good friend, she needs more friends like Ezra.]

I'm sure you can guess. She wasn't a fan of my viewpoint on certain people, and I couldn't give her what she wanted from me.

[lothrat]

So?

[He can see what she's getting at, but the answer doesn't help him feel any less rankled at all.]

That doesn't make you worth anything less!

[oratorical]

[There's a mixed feeling of fondness and amusement at Ezra's response.]

That's kind of you. She thought I was selfish, I suppose, for not considering his feelings and desires.

[Which well. Leia has considered them, and her consideration led to her deciding she doesn't care about Anakin's feelings. She doesn't place her own needs and feelings above most things--a bad habit of hers--but this is one area where she won't compromise on that.]

[lothrat]

What about your feelings? I mean yeah, maybe I think there's still a chance with him, but whether or not you give him one should be your decision, and it's not selfish of you at all if you don't! Not after what he's done- what he will do- [Ezra cuts off with a huff. Tenses are pain in situations like this.] If she knew how much he hurt you, then she should respect that.