[She's been blaming herself for so long... even in this state of mind, it's not just something she can shake.]
...If I had gotten there sooner... I ran, as soon as she called to me, you know. I was already on my way there. If I had left earlier, I might have seen something, I might have been able to get help faster, something.
[There's a low pulse of sympathy from Leia's side as Eleanor continues. She doesn't agree with her beating herself up, and it's frustrating how she continues to blame herself, but she obviously feels for her friend.]
And as I said, you're choosing to make yourself suffer in Hibiki's name. But perhaps this is a conversation we should continue in the morning.
I'll do what I must. What I must. I can handle that, I always have, it's fine, I'm... I'm... goodness everything is spinning... isn't that silly?
[She's struggling to fight off the tiredness, but it's getting harder and harder. All the negativity in the air isn't helping, either, the self-loathing settling on her like a heavy mantle.]
Eleanor, you need to rest. If not for yourself, then do it for those who will be concerned about your well-being, myself included.
[She doesn't exactly want to play this whole guilt trip card, but it's an option and one she feels might have more of an impact than trying to persuade her to do it for her own good.]
[ Not logic, guilt. Leia certainly isn't the first of her friends who found themselves resorting to that very thing when it came to some of Eleanor's... stubbornness.
She falls quiet again, trying to make sense of what Leia's said, really. And frowning a little through that, not wanting to give up on her battle here, but ...
[Just how much did you have to drink, Eleanor.............
A little exasperated though she might be, Leia acquiesces, her mind turning to some nice violin song she heard while walking through the market the other day.]
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[To make Eleanor think, really. As much as she's able to think clearly in the state she's currently in.]
You're blaming yourself and making assumptions that aren't true.
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...If I had gotten there sooner... I ran, as soon as she called to me, you know. I was already on my way there. If I had left earlier, I might have seen something, I might have been able to get help faster, something.
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[again, a feeling far too familiar to Leia. Even now, she sometimes still catches herself wondering "what if."]
And that line of thinking does nothing but hurt you.
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There's a vague image, of all that smoke and flame, flickering, before fading.
Her head hurts, really. Her head is in her hands, her thoughts all swimming together from the exhaustion and the drink. Why had she called, again?]
... either way, it doesn't change what's already happened. Hibiki is the one who is suffering for all of this. I won't forgive myself for that.
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And as I said, you're choosing to make yourself suffer in Hibiki's name. But perhaps this is a conversation we should continue in the morning.
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[She's struggling to fight off the tiredness, but it's getting harder and harder. All the negativity in the air isn't helping, either, the self-loathing settling on her like a heavy mantle.]
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[She doesn't exactly want to play this whole guilt trip card, but it's an option and one she feels might have more of an impact than trying to persuade her to do it for her own good.]
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She falls quiet again, trying to make sense of what Leia's said, really. And frowning a little through that, not wanting to give up on her battle here, but ...
Finally: ]
... Could you play a little music?
[ She is so drunk. ]
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A little exasperated though she might be, Leia acquiesces, her mind turning to some nice violin song she heard while walking through the market the other day.]
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She's not really in bed either. That's too much effort. Oh, but that's music. That's kind of nice. A little soothing. She needs that.
She's quiet for a bit again, listening. The tiredness is hitting more, without her mind actively fighting against it. ]
That is nice... thank you...