Leia "fITE ME" Organa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oratorical) wrote2016-05-05 08:19 pm
oratorical) wrote2016-05-05 08:19 pm
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Honestly, he does feel a bit like she slapped him in the face, shocked and a little hurt by it. In fact, he might be more than a "little" hurt, once he lets it sink in. For now, it's hiding beneath a layer of disbelief and anger that she would be so callous.
He stands taller, looking less likely to be shoved over with a strong push and more like a proper Knight, but the anger on his face is nothing like what a Jedi should wear.]
Even if she wouldn't want it, she's not here to tell me to stop, is she? She's gone, and for all anyone knows, she might be--!
[He can't say "dead", and he clamps his teeth down in a snarl over the words. Saying it out loud is acknowledging it as a real possibility, and he refuses to allow that to happen. She can't be dead, he would never allow it, and he has to keep telling himself that so he doesn't fly over the edge into the dark side. It's a twisted kind of logic, where the only way he can do what she needed him to is to stagnate himself and suffer in a way she'd never approve of.
Sometimes, it's surprises even him how broken he is inside.]
I love her more than anything. It's not that easy to just stop feeling for her! If I could, I would have done it long before we got this far!
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I didn't say stop feeling for her! You aren't the only one here who cares for her, or that she cares about!
[Ah. Leia lecturing someone on how to deal with their feelings. That's a funny coincidence. But at least bottling your feelings is healthier than turning into a Sith Lord.]
You, at least, get to see her when you return home.
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He's raging, but it's a pathetic kind of anger, aimless and confused because it isn't aimed at someone or something in particular. It's just a hair's breadth away from being despair, if Anakin were being more honest, but denial is his final weapon, and he'll use it long past the point where it's useful.]
I wasn't planning on going home!
[On the other hand, he can be honest about this, because it's unfair. If he can focus on the unfairness of it, then he can keep some part of his heart from completely breaking.]
We were supposed to stay here, where she could be live! Where we could be happy, away from the war and the Jedi and everything else that's gone wrong back there!
[His voice cracks, like he's used up all the volume he has in him, and now all he has left is barely enough to make it heard.]
And when I go back now, it might not even change anything. She might be lost, all over again.
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[If they could, she has no doubt she would have returned home by now, as would Han probably. There were benefits to being here, things she didn't dislike, getting to know Padme being one of those benefits. But even with her determination to learn more about the future she doesn't want to happen, to get to know more about her son, and spend time with Han and Luke without any of them having their lives in danger, Leia still wants to go home.
As for that last comment, that possibility that nothing will change hits too close to home. And of course, since this is Anakin she's talking with, she doesn't allow any indication of those feelings to show. Instead, she crosses her arms and stares at him, as if daring him to argue with that point.]
Instead of moping, do something. I'm sure Luke wouldn't mind talking with you.
[His problems aren't anything she cares about, it's true. But at least finishing this, seeing if he actually is any danger the way he is now (she's leaning toward yes, but she always does) is something she feels she owes Padme.]