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[Even the little bit that she imparts is enough to shed a little light on that matter for Eleanor, particularly given her own lesser-talked about background. She's still smiling, though she drops the teasing as she nods to the explanation.]

Ah, yes... it sounds like he's able to pierce right through to who you are, without letting what you might represent get in the way. As long as he respects you, I can certainly understand why that's appealing.

He does.

[Well now, anyway. When they first met, not so much, but Eleanor doesn't need to know that story just yet.]

But we've been talking a lot about me. How have you been?

Oh, have we? [Of course they had been, because she had wanted it that way.] I suppose I've been... fine, all things considered.

[The arm. Living under the natives' scorn with Pride back in town. Issues with her husband that she hadn't spoken about. That amounted to "fine" these days, as much as she had gotten used to it.] I had been thinking of taking a trip down to Shaarnath sometime, and see how it is there for myself...

[Leia frowns--just barely--at the hesitation before Eleanor responds with "fine." Because it sounds to her that perhaps things weren't just fine, and she didn't want to share details. But before Leia can press the issue, Eleanor presses on with her comment about Shaarnath, so the moment to say anything has passed.]

If you'd like, I don't mind visiting Shaarnath with you sometime. There's a lot down there I still haven't seen.

[Just as planned. Though the new topic isn't without it's pitfalls for her.]

Would you? That would be lovely. I've heard so many good things about it, as much as I've put off visiting, myself.

As warm a winter as we're having up here, it's much warmer down there. If you're looking for nicer weather, it might be the place for you.

[Of course, it's dry and desert-like down there, too, but well. Trade offs.]

Well, I haven't a complaint about the weather save what it does to my garden, but I had been considering the change of atmosphere.

[Which meant, there would be less people to immediately form a judgement about her on sight, depending on how much news was spread about certain incidents involving her son here.] And perhaps getting samples of some of the food. [Given Pride's interest in it and all, not that she wanted to bring his name up where it could be overheard.] I have to keep myself from getting so used to my own ways that I neglect that there are other sights out there within reach.

It's an important thing to keep in mind, especially with our unique situation here. Being guests of this world, we can't allow ourselves to forget our reality here and get lost in routine.

[It's something that Leia occasionally has trouble remembering, given all the drama with her family here, but she does her best to keep it in mind.]

I don't think I could ever forget that, Leia. [As much as she'd like to bury herself in simple routines, life here was just so entirely different from what she was used to in every way that there was always some reminder of it, family drama aside.] But you're right. Learning more about what's available in this world and having new experiences can only help it in the long run... at least, that's what I hope.

Whether it helps this world or not, I feel like we owe it to our hosts to learn more about their world and be better guests.

[Since she knows that in the past, they may not have been the best guests here, with how the locals occasionally treat the otherworlders.]

Shaarnath is very different from Verens, and not just in terms of weather. It's good for a change of pace, though.

[On that note, Leia might be preaching to the choir. But Eleanor appreciates her impassioned perspective, as it only speaks more for the sort of role she was brought up in, her relationship with Han aside. But she says none of that, only nodding to her words after a considering sip of tea.]

Yes, I've heard that as well. It sounded like culturally, they might have different expectations, and styles...

[But there's a slight distraction in her gaze, her mind on something else even with her intentional shift of subject.]

[She notices that distraction, it would be hard not to. And with the way Eleanor trails off, it's not something that would seem odd for her to bring up, unlike the last comment Leia had wanted to say something about. So--]

Is something the matter?

Hm? [She gives her head a slight quick shake.] Ah... no, not exactly. It serves me right, for mentioning the place... I was thinking about the person who first told me about it. It's where... my husband has been staying, all this time.

Your husband?

[He's probably come up in conversations before, but in all honesty, Leia didn't know much about the man. Which was probably a deliberate choice on Eleanor's part.]

What has he been doing down there?

Mmm... [Almost everyone had taken some of her downturns in mood as being part of the situation with her son, and she hadn't gone out of her way to correct them. The situation with her husband... she kept the more complex details about it close to her chest, simply due to how dizzying sorting it all out was.

But... perhaps that wasn't fair, not when Leia had grown to be one of her more consistent confidantes here. A chill creeps up, freezing the liquids in their cups.]

... He's... trying to build a fresh start for himself, while waiting for me... to finish sorting out how I feel about everything that's happened between us. He's been down there for months. I only just saw him again in Theasthai...

[Leia subtly moves her hands away from her cup as it freezes, not drawing too much attention to the cold effects of Eleanor's emotions. She's sure Eleanor is probably aware of it, but it's not something Leia wants to draw attention to, out of politeness.]

And what do you feel about everything that's happened? If I can ask.

Well... honestly, it all makes me feel just awful. [The very reason she tries not to dwell on it around her friends and acquaintances, though Kylo Ren had drawn it out of her.] The right thing to do would be to forgive him, and pray that we can start over, after all of this, but every time I think about him, I ...

[Well, the emotional effects plaguing her sort of speak for themselves.]

How is forgiving him the right thing to do?

[there's no judgment in her tone when she asks, but she is genuinely confused by that. She knows enough vague information about the issue that led to Pride being how he is now, from whispers and her own research. So that, combined with Eleanor admitting it makes her feel horrible, well. Leia doesn't get it.]

That's...

[She opens her mouth, closes it, and shakes her head for a moment. It's that painful to answer, and she'd rather not lose complete control of her emotions in the small cafe. Not that bottling them up helped. She could feel the cold and numbness running up her arms and tightening in her chest as it often did when she thought of her marriage.

She exhales, softly. The tightness doesn't fade.]

For everything that's happened, he is still my husband. And this world might be our last chance... to have anything. For him to start over, if... that's what he truly wants to do.

[she's silent for a moment, taking in Eleanor's response. She can see the reasoning behind it, but Leia isn't all that sure she finds the reasoning to be sound. Largely because of how much emphasis she's placing on her husband, rather than herself. Leia may have been raised to think of others before herself and may continue to do that, for the sake of the galaxy, but it's something she's been working on, on wanting to prioritize her family to prevent what will happen in the future. Which is why Eleanor's answer bothers her.]

You keep focusing on him. Is a chance to start over something you want, as well?

[Eleanor falls quiet for a long pause once more, as Leia's words strike a chord she had not been addressing. Similar to her conversation with Kylo, and yet not, though it was not the time or place for such a comparison. Finally:]

... Would it be funny to say that I don't truly have an answer for that? I've been going in circles over it for months. There is no going back to what we were, and our family would never be that again -- I've accepted that. I'd rather know the truth as it is. But now I have that to worry about ...

[The trust issues. There had been too many lies, to tell just much how she had been used--or deserved to be. She attempts to adopt a lighter tone, to try and deflect from the sad irony of it all.]

But that's just the darker side of love, isn't it? I've ... never been so lonely.

I don't think it's strange to say that, but it's important to consider your own wants and needs against his own.

[which she's sure Eleanor already knows, but it can't hurt to say it again, to emphasize the importance. The last part, though, she's not so sure she agrees with. It doesn't seem like love to commit all those horrible acts in someone else's name and leave them to suffer the brunt of the mistreatment and judgment from others resulting from that. She can't see how love would factor in there at all.]

You still love him, then?

Of course I do. [Slightly more defensive than needed, even with her soft tone, though the ice shatters, cracking one of the cups.] ... Oh dear...

[Hopefully none of the patron's noticed, but she'd put extra money in to the check to pay for it, whenever that arrived. But she shakes her head.] He's... not who I thought he was, but I feel as if he has walls around who he is, as much as he says otherwise. In ... in any case, I said that I needed space, and I can't bring myself to call him back... so you see, that is my own fault.

[She won't comment on the cup, that would be rude. But, she does glance down at it, startled as the cup cracks loudly thanks to the ice. Leia picks up any small pieces that may have broken off, placing them on the saucer underneath the cup as she returns her gaze up to the older woman.]

Anyone who says they wouldn't need space from someone who betrayed their trust that deeply is lying.

[Because it's not Eleanor's fault she wanted time to think things out in the least.]

Is there any trace of the man you thought he was in him?

I suppose... I suppose that's where the trouble is. He's still... mostly the same as he was, even if everything between us has changed only because I found out the truth. But I don't know if that means... that he's just better at keeping up his appearances than Pride was, or if he wants me to still believe he's the same person I married, in spite of his actions... or if that's who he really is, all along, but ... the people from my world always saw a different side to him... and I don't believe I've really seen it for myself. So in the end I, haha, doesn't this all sound ridiculous?

[It's not, really, though it all tied into why she kept so much of it to herself for so long. Her doubts and how frustrated she was at herself for being unable to untie these horribly tangled knots of emotions, how lucky that it was still only the cup that was the casualty in this conversation thus far when her house had faced far worse destruction from her thoughts alone.] ... We should settle the bill ...

Edited 2017-01-06 05:47 (UTC)

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