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[oratorical]

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[holdsodear]

[Inebriation doesn't often give way to logic, unfortunately. But that bubbly, airy tone she had at the start of all this was long gone now, the connection practically weighted down by the shift in emotions.]

What's fair? I'm certain she feels guilty just because we're all worried about her as it is. And, besides all of that, I - I do know how she is when she's faced with painful reminders. She... she may even think that she must see me and... that just wouldn't do. Not right away. She's already been hurt so much. She shouldn't have to deal with that on top of dying! She has enough to deal with right now!

[oratorical]

And what if she wants to see you? Would you not grant her that, even if asked?

[holdsodear]

Why... why are you asking me this? It hasn't even happened... I don't... I don't want her to be bothered even thinking about that, when she can be safe at home in her little bed with everyone to take care of her there.

[oratorical]

That's why I'm asking.

[To make Eleanor think, really. As much as she's able to think clearly in the state she's currently in.]

You're blaming yourself and making assumptions that aren't true.

[holdsodear]

[She's been blaming herself for so long... even in this state of mind, it's not just something she can shake.]

...If I had gotten there sooner... I ran, as soon as she called to me, you know. I was already on my way there. If I had left earlier, I might have seen something, I might have been able to get help faster, something.

[oratorical]

There's always the thought of "what if."

[again, a feeling far too familiar to Leia. Even now, she sometimes still catches herself wondering "what if."]

And that line of thinking does nothing but hurt you.

[holdsodear]

[ She goes very silent for a few moments.

There's a vague image, of all that smoke and flame, flickering, before fading.

Her head hurts, really. Her head is in her hands, her thoughts all swimming together from the exhaustion and the drink. Why had she called, again?]

... either way, it doesn't change what's already happened. Hibiki is the one who is suffering for all of this. I won't forgive myself for that.

[oratorical]

[There's a low pulse of sympathy from Leia's side as Eleanor continues. She doesn't agree with her beating herself up, and it's frustrating how she continues to blame herself, but she obviously feels for her friend.]

And as I said, you're choosing to make yourself suffer in Hibiki's name. But perhaps this is a conversation we should continue in the morning.

[holdsodear]

I'll do what I must. What I must. I can handle that, I always have, it's fine, I'm... I'm... goodness everything is spinning... isn't that silly?

[She's struggling to fight off the tiredness, but it's getting harder and harder. All the negativity in the air isn't helping, either, the self-loathing settling on her like a heavy mantle.]

[oratorical]

Eleanor, you need to rest. If not for yourself, then do it for those who will be concerned about your well-being, myself included.

[She doesn't exactly want to play this whole guilt trip card, but it's an option and one she feels might have more of an impact than trying to persuade her to do it for her own good.]

[holdsodear]

[ Not logic, guilt. Leia certainly isn't the first of her friends who found themselves resorting to that very thing when it came to some of Eleanor's... stubbornness.

She falls quiet again, trying to make sense of what Leia's said, really. And frowning a little through that, not wanting to give up on her battle here, but ...

Finally: ]


... Could you play a little music?

[ She is so drunk. ]

[oratorical]

[Just how much did you have to drink, Eleanor.............

A little exasperated though she might be, Leia acquiesces, her mind turning to some nice violin song she heard while walking through the market the other day.]

[holdsodear]

[She didn't get to tell that story.......

She's not really in bed either. That's too much effort. Oh, but that's music. That's kind of nice. A little soothing. She needs that.

She's quiet for a bit again, listening. The tiredness is hitting more, without her mind actively fighting against it. ]

That is nice... thank you...