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[ Given she's well past tipsy, she's having a little difficulty following just what it was that Leia's trying to convey. Because logic, that's right out; she had long dismissed that, or she'd be in bed her regular time, and just wake up early, like she normally would be. Not that this last week had been normal at all.

...But what was she saying? ]

... I'm sorry, dear. You've truly gone through a lot, so of course you'd know. Goodness, we could hardly get you to keep still with that arm of yours getting broken, after all! Of course I know that rest is important! I wasn't calling you to give you another reason to worry. You already have so much on your plate. I suppose I just... I suppose I just feel a little strange right now. That's all it is.

[Well that's getting somewhere, in terms of cutting to what's keeping Eleanor up beyond the obvious. So Leia will take it, in hopes of getting more of the full story here.]

Strange in what way?

[ Leia why are you making her think, that just makes her head hurt. ]

Well, I've already told you. It's the middle of the night and here I am just stir crazy! [ She laughs a little again, but it's not as giddy as it had been before. ]

It might have been nice to get out, but... I really wouldn't have gone, or I would have already. Although now that I think of it, something strange did happen earlier...

Edited 2018-02-26 00:25 (UTC)

[That's just what she does. Sorry, drunk and exhausted Eleanor.]

What happened?

Well...

[ Great, now she has to think through the entire day to figure it out. ]

Well it was when... hm, no, that's not right. I was crocheting all day, you see. I hadn't really done it for a while, after... I just couldn't. But when I heard that... Hibiki was back, that they found her and took her home, well, I had to, really. There's something I've just been wanting to finish for her, so I worked on it. I made so much progress! There's not much more to go. I'm sure I can have it done by tomorrow or so... if I'm vigilant...

[ It was a big project, all things considered, which would still have taken weeks more if she took her time like she had been. But doing nothing but that one project for... many hours... would have resulted in a lot of progress, even if it was a bit mind numbing and hard on the wrist. She had no choice but to take the break from it.

Why was she babbling on about her day again? She just keeps talking. ]

And, oh, I think one of the boys wanted me to have something to eat, earlier... but I wasn't really hungry, but I had just a little bit so they wouldn't worry... you know how they worry. Poor things. And I got some water; there's this bottle that I have and I never use it, I don't even know where it came from! But for some reason I just picked it up, today, and thought, well, I mean, it's here, I might as well use it for something. And it seemed useful, I could just have it ready in my room in case I needed it and why make a trip all the way down in the middle of the night just for some water! Except... well, oh, I think that was it.

[It's a long story, to say the least, but Leia is patient and listens as Eleanor tries to explain. Even though she isn't sure where, between all that drunken explanation, this story is actually leading.

She does make a mental note to reach out again and thank those Eleanor lives with for their efforts to ensure Eleanor managed to eat and survive during this time.]

I may not know Hibiki at all, but I do feel like she wouldn't want you working yourself this hard to make something for her.

[... Oh. Well, that just takes her down an entirely different path. ]

Of course she wouldn't if she knew, dear! But she mustn't know, that's the thing. She mustn't worry about something like that. She's been through so much! If I can't at least do this for her, after-- it's so stupid, Leia. It's... utterly, it's just a blanket. That's -- that's all I -- I -- I -- I couldn't save her. That's the least I can do for her now. Isn't it just awful?! It's all I can do, it's a blanket, and sometimes I just, I say to myself, is it a blanket, is it a shroud, what am I doing? What... am I doing. She deserves so much better. I shouldn't even be...

[ There's a brief picture flash, of the blanket in question, but it just seems to unravel as Eleanor's words do. ]

[It may not be the something strange Eleanor mentioned before, but this response, this is what Leia feels is the heart of her friend's issues tonight. And what has been the heart of the problem since her old house burned down.]

No. It's not all you can do.

[It's not just empty comfort, it's something she knows is true.]

Making this blanket, it works to keep you occupied, but as much as Hibiki would love the blanket and the care you put into it, I'm sure it's not what she'd need or want the most. What you can do, what you're good at doing, is being there for her. What happened wasn't your fault, and I don't think she's the type to place blame where it isn't warranted.

Of course it's my fault, Leia. She was there. That house was my responsibility, just like -- just like that other one, only this time it wasn't because of anyone else, that it was such a horrible place. It was my horrible place that I deserved and I should have been there. If I was there, then -- I don't know. I don't know what would have happened, it was my house. I would have been there.

[ But the words don't stop, she can't stop them from just, tumbling out. ]

She was afraid of that house, you know, I held her as she cried in my kitchen one day because she was so afraid and tormented from the reminders of being there with Pride and. And I thought, well, maybe, maybe moving here was okay, because now she wouldn't ever have a reason to go there ever again and get so frightened. Except -- she went there! And I... I couldn't save her. I couldn't save her. I pulled her out of that house, I held her, and then she ... she was gone. She was gone, Leia. How can I even go over to see her now? How could anyone allow that?! All she'll remember is -- is slipping away like that, in my arms, and being in that, awful smoke in that awful place and I just -- I can't do that to her. She's been through too much.

[It's not like Leia can't understand this feeling. She can and she does, even if the reason she understands isn't quite the same as a child being trapped inside the burning remains of your old house. But the sentiment, she knows, is similar, as she listens to Eleanor's thoughts continue to flood out from her.]

What happened was the fault of a local with an unwarranted grudge against you, not anything you did.

[If Eleanor had been there at the time, well, all Leia could see was her getting caught up in the fire and suffering the same fate, but that's not a subject Leia wants to get into just now.]

I can't imagine Hibiki or anyone else will hold an accident that isn't your fault against you. And I also don't think it's fair to her for you to decide for her whether she wants to see you.

[Inebriation doesn't often give way to logic, unfortunately. But that bubbly, airy tone she had at the start of all this was long gone now, the connection practically weighted down by the shift in emotions.]

What's fair? I'm certain she feels guilty just because we're all worried about her as it is. And, besides all of that, I - I do know how she is when she's faced with painful reminders. She... she may even think that she must see me and... that just wouldn't do. Not right away. She's already been hurt so much. She shouldn't have to deal with that on top of dying! She has enough to deal with right now!

And what if she wants to see you? Would you not grant her that, even if asked?

Why... why are you asking me this? It hasn't even happened... I don't... I don't want her to be bothered even thinking about that, when she can be safe at home in her little bed with everyone to take care of her there.

That's why I'm asking.

[To make Eleanor think, really. As much as she's able to think clearly in the state she's currently in.]

You're blaming yourself and making assumptions that aren't true.

[She's been blaming herself for so long... even in this state of mind, it's not just something she can shake.]

...If I had gotten there sooner... I ran, as soon as she called to me, you know. I was already on my way there. If I had left earlier, I might have seen something, I might have been able to get help faster, something.

There's always the thought of "what if."

[again, a feeling far too familiar to Leia. Even now, she sometimes still catches herself wondering "what if."]

And that line of thinking does nothing but hurt you.

[ She goes very silent for a few moments.

There's a vague image, of all that smoke and flame, flickering, before fading.

Her head hurts, really. Her head is in her hands, her thoughts all swimming together from the exhaustion and the drink. Why had she called, again?]

... either way, it doesn't change what's already happened. Hibiki is the one who is suffering for all of this. I won't forgive myself for that.

[There's a low pulse of sympathy from Leia's side as Eleanor continues. She doesn't agree with her beating herself up, and it's frustrating how she continues to blame herself, but she obviously feels for her friend.]

And as I said, you're choosing to make yourself suffer in Hibiki's name. But perhaps this is a conversation we should continue in the morning.

I'll do what I must. What I must. I can handle that, I always have, it's fine, I'm... I'm... goodness everything is spinning... isn't that silly?

[She's struggling to fight off the tiredness, but it's getting harder and harder. All the negativity in the air isn't helping, either, the self-loathing settling on her like a heavy mantle.]

Eleanor, you need to rest. If not for yourself, then do it for those who will be concerned about your well-being, myself included.

[She doesn't exactly want to play this whole guilt trip card, but it's an option and one she feels might have more of an impact than trying to persuade her to do it for her own good.]

[ Not logic, guilt. Leia certainly isn't the first of her friends who found themselves resorting to that very thing when it came to some of Eleanor's... stubbornness.

She falls quiet again, trying to make sense of what Leia's said, really. And frowning a little through that, not wanting to give up on her battle here, but ...

Finally: ]

... Could you play a little music?

[ She is so drunk. ]

[Just how much did you have to drink, Eleanor.............

A little exasperated though she might be, Leia acquiesces, her mind turning to some nice violin song she heard while walking through the market the other day.]

[She didn't get to tell that story.......

She's not really in bed either. That's too much effort. Oh, but that's music. That's kind of nice. A little soothing. She needs that.

She's quiet for a bit again, listening. The tiredness is hitting more, without her mind actively fighting against it. ]

That is nice... thank you...

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