Leia "fITE ME" Organa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oratorical) wrote2016-05-05 08:19 pm
oratorical) wrote2016-05-05 08:19 pm
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IC Contact
Make a note to specify whichever you want
Make a note to specify whichever you want
Make a note to specify whichever you want
Make a note to specify whichever you want
... 2/13ish
But perhaps what may mark it as unusual is the fact that it's a call from someone who had been barely speaking at all for the last couple of days, shut down by grief and despair, and yet...
There's something... almost too cheerful, about the tone, a little too bubbly, voice speaking a little too quickly. ]
Well! There we go, I seem to have reached someone! Ring, ring, is that you, Leia? I do hope you weren't sleeping! I can try again a little later if you'd like, really, I hardly mind at all, I can just prattle on to myself for hours, you know, but that just might get a little dull... what if I call up Han instead, do you think he'd mind? I'm sure he wouldn't, he's always talking about something new... you do know how witty and charming he is, don't you? He'll be glad I told you that -- but really, he certainly is!
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Eleanor? What are you doing up?
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[ She's not exactly making it easy for her friend to get a word in edgewise, but she hardly seems to notice that. ]
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It's the middle of the night. Even if we wanted, nothing would be open.
What's wrong?
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[ Which was far from her case. She was referencing their accidentally overfed rappig pet that was left behind by Peony, which Leia likely would have seen if visiting, or heard about from Eleanor, as strange as the name was.
In any case there are some cracks in that cheerful veneer as much as she's still managing to maintain her tone. ]
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I don't think this is an appropriate time for you to go outside to walk. But if you need to talk, we can.
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Well.
That brief image was so unexpected that Eleanor simply... lapses into almost helpless giggles. It's almost hard for her to catch the rest of what Leia's said. ]
... Well that's a sight... or was one anyway...
[ The giggles just find their way through her pauses. ]
How positively wicked of you, trying to distract me like that! Don't tell me you're already in bed?
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[Well, she has a feeling she can probably guess why, but she's interested in hearing what Eleanor herself might say.]
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[ The response is light and teasing as before, though there's a pause, since Leia is trying to make her think? And that's a little too much right now. Why isn't she sleeping?
There's an unintentional brief flash of an image, of a mug being gently refilled over time from a cute looking bottle of a clear, light-colored beverage that almost seems like it might be a juice... but of course it isn't. ]
Anyway, I'm not because... well, I thought about it, but I just didn't feel like it! I'd just wake up again anyway. And it's so stuffy in here, and I don't want the boys to worry, they've been so worried lately, you know, so here I am, calling you, dear. Should I not have? It's not really that late, is it?
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No, I'd rather you call me than decide to take a walk outside at this time of night.
[And, you know, with people who burned her house down and inadvertently killed a child still out there.]
Have you been sleeping at all?
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[ Her response is a little too matter-of-fact in tone, as she continues, talking a little too quickly again. She can't really help it. ]
Which is probably, oh, as much as I need? These days? You know, Pride hated it when I couldn't sleep for long at night, I've told you, you know, how he would always get me some milk and play me a little music in my head so I'd stay in my room and not bother him with my being awake. Like a child! I'm not a child.
[ She interrupts herself with a soft sigh, and then a laugh. ]
Sometimes now I'll sleep a little and wake up hours before dawn and I just keep on bumping into Asch downstairs. I know he doesn't like my being up either... but then he can't question my being awake if he is as well. Silly boys, both of them! But... that's what it is, don't you worry about that, Leia. I'm sleeping just fine, when I do. I don't want to sleep, anyway.
[ But for some reason, she just finds this all terribly amusing, with another wave of that hilarity, nothing like her rarer soft giggles. ]
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[Because for a long time, pushing herself to work and focus on the Alliance and the Empire seemed a better choice than sleeping and dealing with the nightmares that would follow. It didn't matter if she wasn't caring for herself and if the lack of sleep was more than evident in her demeanor and appearance, not as long as she wasn't left alone with her thoughts and nightmares.
Here, it's something she's mostly gotten over, thanks to having Han here and with her at night. If she doesn't sleep, he knows it and tries to help.]
And I also know that despite how it may seem at the moment, sleep is more important than you give it credit for.
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I know what you're trying to do, don't take that tone with me! I won't have any of that. All this talk about sleeping, really, my dear, if you're so tired, you can go on right to bed, you know, and I'll find something to do! There's always something. I just haven't felt like doing much of anything for so long that it's almost just like sleeping, really. And I got so much crochet done today! I remembered that there's so much I should be doing! It's so much better than being in a fog.
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[It's one of her bad coping habits that she'd fallen into over the years. Not that she wasn't always throwing herself into her work and things she wanted to do, but it had gotten worse after Alderaan, and it's only slowly getting better now.]
If there's anyone that understands that, I can assure you it's me. Just as I can assure you that going on like that isn't sustainable.
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...But what was she saying? ]
... I'm sorry, dear. You've truly gone through a lot, so of course you'd know. Goodness, we could hardly get you to keep still with that arm of yours getting broken, after all! Of course I know that rest is important! I wasn't calling you to give you another reason to worry. You already have so much on your plate. I suppose I just... I suppose I just feel a little strange right now. That's all it is.
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Strange in what way?
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Well, I've already told you. It's the middle of the night and here I am just stir crazy! [ She laughs a little again, but it's not as giddy as it had been before. ]
It might have been nice to get out, but... I really wouldn't have gone, or I would have already. Although now that I think of it, something strange did happen earlier...
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What happened?
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[ Great, now she has to think through the entire day to figure it out. ]
Well it was when... hm, no, that's not right. I was crocheting all day, you see. I hadn't really done it for a while, after... I just couldn't. But when I heard that... Hibiki was back, that they found her and took her home, well, I had to, really. There's something I've just been wanting to finish for her, so I worked on it. I made so much progress! There's not much more to go. I'm sure I can have it done by tomorrow or so... if I'm vigilant...
[ It was a big project, all things considered, which would still have taken weeks more if she took her time like she had been. But doing nothing but that one project for... many hours... would have resulted in a lot of progress, even if it was a bit mind numbing and hard on the wrist. She had no choice but to take the break from it.
Why was she babbling on about her day again? She just keeps talking. ]
And, oh, I think one of the boys wanted me to have something to eat, earlier... but I wasn't really hungry, but I had just a little bit so they wouldn't worry... you know how they worry. Poor things. And I got some water; there's this bottle that I have and I never use it, I don't even know where it came from! But for some reason I just picked it up, today, and thought, well, I mean, it's here, I might as well use it for something. And it seemed useful, I could just have it ready in my room in case I needed it and why make a trip all the way down in the middle of the night just for some water! Except... well, oh, I think that was it.
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She does make a mental note to reach out again and thank those Eleanor lives with for their efforts to ensure Eleanor managed to eat and survive during this time.]
I may not know Hibiki at all, but I do feel like she wouldn't want you working yourself this hard to make something for her.
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Of course she wouldn't if she knew, dear! But she mustn't know, that's the thing. She mustn't worry about something like that. She's been through so much! If I can't at least do this for her, after-- it's so stupid, Leia. It's... utterly, it's just a blanket. That's -- that's all I -- I -- I -- I couldn't save her. That's the least I can do for her now. Isn't it just awful?! It's all I can do, it's a blanket, and sometimes I just, I say to myself, is it a blanket, is it a shroud, what am I doing? What... am I doing. She deserves so much better. I shouldn't even be...
[ There's a brief picture flash, of the blanket in question, but it just seems to unravel as Eleanor's words do. ]
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No. It's not all you can do.
[It's not just empty comfort, it's something she knows is true.]
Making this blanket, it works to keep you occupied, but as much as Hibiki would love the blanket and the care you put into it, I'm sure it's not what she'd need or want the most. What you can do, what you're good at doing, is being there for her. What happened wasn't your fault, and I don't think she's the type to place blame where it isn't warranted.
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[ But the words don't stop, she can't stop them from just, tumbling out. ]
She was afraid of that house, you know, I held her as she cried in my kitchen one day because she was so afraid and tormented from the reminders of being there with Pride and. And I thought, well, maybe, maybe moving here was okay, because now she wouldn't ever have a reason to go there ever again and get so frightened. Except -- she went there! And I... I couldn't save her. I couldn't save her. I pulled her out of that house, I held her, and then she ... she was gone. She was gone, Leia. How can I even go over to see her now? How could anyone allow that?! All she'll remember is -- is slipping away like that, in my arms, and being in that, awful smoke in that awful place and I just -- I can't do that to her. She's been through too much.
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What happened was the fault of a local with an unwarranted grudge against you, not anything you did.
[If Eleanor had been there at the time, well, all Leia could see was her getting caught up in the fire and suffering the same fate, but that's not a subject Leia wants to get into just now.]
I can't imagine Hibiki or anyone else will hold an accident that isn't your fault against you. And I also don't think it's fair to her for you to decide for her whether she wants to see you.
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What's fair? I'm certain she feels guilty just because we're all worried about her as it is. And, besides all of that, I - I do know how she is when she's faced with painful reminders. She... she may even think that she must see me and... that just wouldn't do. Not right away. She's already been hurt so much. She shouldn't have to deal with that on top of dying! She has enough to deal with right now!
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